The Ugly Truth

I was 13 when I had my first sexual contact with a man, I freaked out, and I only felt his dick trough his jeans, after that I realized that something was wrong, was I a freak? was I going to hell? and lots of questions were running trough my mind. So I start looking for answers, but where? For obvious reasons I couldn't talk to anyone, all I heard my whole life is that you couldnt be gay, and the "only" gay person i actually knew was my mother hairstylist.

About that same time I got the best thing ever, internet access in my own house. How brilliant, my older brother didn't care about it, my baby sister was to small to use it, and my parents, they didnt even know how to use a computer. lucky me. well the thing is that one day i found myself in a gay chat, it was amazing, gay porn pictures, other gay guys, people from my country, my city, guys my age, well I have to admit that I used to say I was older and even used a different email address and profile.

Being different is very hard, and growing up being different is even worst. People calling you names, rejecting you, and laughing at you. I used to cried a lot when i was in high school, i mean who wouldnt? anyway, that only made me stronger and by the time i graduated from high school i wasnt only the best student but i was very popular too.

A month after graduation i went to a diferent city, that's were i met Juan, i met him at the airport and a week after i called him, he picked me up and tooked me to his apartment. i knew where all this was going, i was scare to death, so we started kissing and giving each other blow jobs, and then he asked what do you like? so i was a top, but the first time. the result? it was awful i didnt like it at all. but that's a story for another time. A couple of hours later, i face the ugly truth: i was gay! but if i was gay, why i didnt like it? why i didnt feel nice? why i didnt enjoy it?

Well i discovered the answers after a couple of years. i was too scare, too nervous and was a gay in denial. As soon as I accepted myself a gay guy i was able to enjoy sex!

Toodles,

guylian